Tuesday, July 31, 2012

My Weekend

"You never worry about the last laugh if you've been laughing the whole time." -- Drake

I have a couple other blog posts that are halfway done, so while I finish those up I wanted to give you guys a quick update post about my weekend. I had a really good weekend, it was relaxing and I got to spend a lot of time with my family.

Saturday morning Tom and I had a bunch of errands to run and stuff to do before we move next week, and then later in the afternoon we took Lexi to the park. Sunday was relaxing, I caught up on my shows that I missed on my DVR and then Sunday night my dad's girlfriend && her daughter came over. They're so sweet. His girlfriend (Terri) bought me a really pretty white watch (I'll take pictures tomorrow when I get batteries for my digital camera.) and gave me a bunch of Victoria's Secret cards for free stuff from there. haha. :) Marissa is her daughter's name and I was talking to her for 2+ hours and we were playing with Lexi. It's nice to spend time with them, we don't get to spend time all together very often and seeing as I'll probably have a step-sister && step-mom soon, I should probably start getting to know them better. My dad wants to propose to Terri around Christmas and of course I'm going to help with everything. I remember when I was little I used to beg my mom for a sister. Instead, I got Jeff. LOL.

Speaking of Jeff, he crashed his truck last week. He was looking at his phone and caused a 4 car accident. He said it was the brakes but the police report said it was the phone so obviously I'm going to believe the police report. He went to the hospital and got checked out. His back was hurt so they gave him some meds for that and released him. The car in front of him had 4 old women in it and they all went to the hospital too, their car was the worst of them all (because it got hit by Jeff's truck and then it hit the car in front of them as well) so hopefully they're OK and released by now too. The other 2 cars had damage but no one else went to the hospital. Thank God my brother is OK though. As much as he can piss me off sometimes, he's still my little brother and I love him.

I had to completely re-do my blog because I messed up some HTML coding. It's the same address (obviously) and I had copies of all of my posts so everything is still here, but I had to spend like 2 hours putting everything back up and fixing it. Thank God I keep copies of all of my posts on my laptop, otherwise everything would've been gone. I love reading my blogs later in life... I'm in the middle of reading my blog from when I was 14/15/16 right now and it's so funny to see what crazy shit I was doing at that age.

I've been getting a lot of feedback from you guys (Google+ friend requests, emails, Luuux friend requests, etc.)-- keep it coming!! :) I love hearing from you. Hi to all of my friends from Luuux too!! If any of you have a blog make sure to comment and leave the URL so I can subscribe. Thanks

Monday, July 30, 2012

July Collective Haul

After doing all of these online surveys, I seem to get paid for most of them around the same time. Some pay with Amazon gift cards, some send money straight to my Paypal account (and credit card), and others send checks in the mail. This is how I have money to shop online for this stuff (along with looking for amazing deals). :) Here's what I bought in the past week:

St. Moriz Instant Self Tanning Mousse - DARK

I've heard great things about this self-tanner, and after reading a TON of positive reviews, I wanted to try it for myself. It's supposed to be a dupe for St. Tropez self-tanner. Unfortunately it isn't available in the U.S., so it's going to take 3 to 5 weeks to get to me from England. Boooo. Hopefully it's worth the wait.
Fake Bake Flawless Self Tanning Spray

I ran out of my Fake Bake Flawless self-tanning spray, so I bought another bottle off of Amazon. I love this stuff!
Neutrogena Oil-Free Acne Wash- Pink Grapefruit

(Sticking with the grapefruit theme....) I looked online for a good drugstore cleanser for oily or combination skin. I've used the regular Neutrogena Oil Free Acne Wash but haven't tried  the Pink Grapefruit version. Since I had an Amazon gift card I decided to buy this and try it out. I'll do a review of it once I've been using it for a little longer.
Stila One Step Makeup
I was browsing on Amazon and came across Stila One Step Makeup. After reading reviews (like I always do), I decided to give it a try. I'm in the process of writing a review so I don't want to say too much more about it right now.
Victoria's Secret- Ruffle Lightly Padded Bra Top (Cobalt) $16.99

Even though the semi-annual sale is over at Victoria's Secret, they still have a ton of stuff on sale on their website. I love clothing from Victoria's Secret. It's always made well, fits perfectly, and lasts for a long time. This top was $16.99 on sale from $39.50. What a steal! I had to do it. ;]

Eminence Organic Skin Care Pink Grapefruit Vitality Masque

I got a sample of the Eminence Organic Skin Care Pink Grapefruit Vitality Masque with my Fake Bake self-tanner purchase. I haven't used it yet but I'm going to try it out tonight, I'll let you guys know what I think of it.

So that's everything I've purchased in the last week or so. As always, comment and let me know what you think, or tell me about any interesting purchases you've made lately. Don't read and not comment, I love hearing from you guys! Blog ideas, requests, etc. it's all appreciated!


Online Shopping Haul

So I've been doing some online shopping lately (not surprising) and I wanted to share what I got with my readers. :) I just ordered everything yesterday, it has all already been shipped && I can't wait to get it! I shopped at Wet Seal, Forever 21, and ASOS. Here's what I got:

Nude Quilted Lock Across Body Bag - $26 (+ free shipping) asos.com

Porkchop Turn Cuff Capri - $15 wetseal.com

Basic Glitter Flip Flop - $6.50 wetseal.com

Cracked Metallic Braided Belt - $4.99 wetseal.com

Chained Cross Ring Set - $4.80 forever21.com

Rhinestoned Bow Ring - $4.80 forever21.com

I'm too excited to get all of my stuff in the mail!! :) I got free shipping at ASOS and 20% off my entire order at Wet Seal. I have 2 coupons for $10/off my order at Victoria's Secret that I need to use before the 31st of July so I'm sure I'll be posting another mini-haul soon. My favorite item is definitely the chained cross ring set. I would wear both on the same finger (like it was shown on the Forever 21 website). All of the items I purchased are still available except for the chained cross ring set (it's sold out). Have you made any exciting purchases lately? Gotten any good deals? Don't forget to comment and let me know!! xo

Fake Bake Flawless Self-Tanner Review

Fake Bake Flawless Self-Tan Liquid-- $17 on Amazon

 I wanted to share a product with you guys that I've been using for a couple months now, and I'm obsessed with it. Here is my review on Fake Bake Flawless self-tanner.

I am completely in love with Fake Bake Flawless self-tanner. I go tanning in tanning beds but I'm trying to cut down on that so I've been trying different self-tanners for the last few months. I've been through so many different self-tanners, and the majority of them have been a major FAIL. Some of them turn me orange, some are streaky, and some have barely any color payoff. This product however, is amazing. The box comes with everything you need. Included in the box is: instructions, the application mitt, plastic gloves (to put on your hands under the mitt), the self-tanner, and the sprayer. Make sure you exfoliate and shave before using this product, because your tan will be a lot more even and look nicer. You spray the self-tanning solution on the mitt, and blend it into your skin by rubbing the mitt in circular motions on the area you want to tan. I use this everywhere, my whole body, hands, feet, and my face as well. The solution is very dark when you put it on, so you can see what areas you have already done. Don't worry, most of it will come off in the shower. I like to use this at night so it has plenty of time to set in before I shower in the morning. It dries almost instantly, and doesn't have that disgusting self-tanner smell that most similar products have. It smells like tropical coconut. It has great color payoff, but if you want to be darker you can use it a few days in a row until you achieve the color you want. In my opinion, Fake Bake Flawless gives me better color than a spray tan in a salon. It's $17.00 on Amazon and one bottle will allow me to spray tan my entire body at least 6 or 7 times. I'm extremely impressed with this product and would recommend it to anyone that wants a nice, even looking tan without using a tanning bed.

35 Random Facts

Get to know me, THEN hate me. ;)

1.) I collect panties. No, you pervert, not used panties... I have over 200 pairs of panties and my collection is still growing. Hey at least you know I'll always have some clean panties. hahaa

2.) I actually have a pretty decent singing voice but I won't sing in front of anyone because of my fear of rejection. :)

3.) When I fall for someone, I fall fast and hard, and I love them with all of my heart and soul. Love is my weakness.

4.) I am obsessed with reality TV, especially celeb reality.

5.) I've had a blog since age 13, and I've been writing for as long as I can remember. I love looking back and reading about my life and my thoughts from years ago.

6.) I try to avoid conflict but I'll smack a ho if need be. :)

7.) People have proved time and time again that they are not true friends, so I'm very picky about who I let into my life.

8.) I can almost put it on my life that at least 40% of the people that read this are HATERS trying to find out what's going on with me. Get a life.

9.) I want to be an adolescent drug counselor. I've been helped tremendously by them and I'd love to help others... I think they can relate better to people that have been through it.

10.) I am addicted to Fannie May Mint Meltaway Ice Cream. omgggg ::orgasm::

11.) I'm a very sexual person. I will talk about sex with anyone and I have no shame in my game. haha ;)

12.) I get myself in trouble by staying up late and shopping online. The next morning I realize I spent way too much damn money.

13.) The past few months have been the greatest few months I've had in a long time. We've been so blessed with Tom's job && really starting to branch out && do new things. I'm very excited to see what next month brings because like I said in a previous blog, we're planning on getting a place of our own!! Finally!! :)

14.) I am the kind of female that will always stick up for myself && the people that I care about. I'm ride or die && will fight to the death for the ones I truly love. That being said, I never forget when someone fucks me over, and will give them what they deserve when I think it's the right time. Call me karma. ;)

15.) I have a passion for fashion && have since I was little. I remember being 6 years old and I had the best walk-in closet, and I would constantly re-organize it. I had this cool little outfit holder with 7 different spaces and it had the days of the week on it. I would plan my outfits a week in advance && I loved putting together different outfit options for me to wear.

16.) Due to my fashion/beauty obsession, I end up getting about 3 packages delivered to my house every week on average, because I can't help myself when I see something online that I like!!

17.) I do surveys online for extra cash, and it's actually proved to be a decent income for me while I'm at home with Lexi. I do plan on working soon so we have more of a financial "cushion" and I'll be putting Lexi in day care for a few days during each week. She's so good with other kids && absolutely LOVES being around kids her age, so I'm sure she'll love it.

18.) One of my biggest pet peeves is people with bad hygiene, especially women. It really irks me when someone gets in the car && I can smell their B.O. or sweat or whatever else, or if I walk past someone and get a whiff... that's beyond disgusting. Is it that hard to take a shower && use deodorant?!

19.) My two all time favorite perfumes are Dior's Dior Addict && Juicy Couture's Viva La Juicy.

20.) I am double jointed in my left thumb, left index finger, and my feet.

21.) I have OCD (I was professionally diagnosed-- I hate when people say 'I have OCD' and they really don't... it's super annoying.) and because of that I am a SUPER clean freak. I find it disgusting when adults have a dirty house. There's a difference between a little clutter && straight up dirty living. Yuck.

22.) My mom has done an amazing job of teaching me to help people that are less fortunate. When I was little I would give away my toys, clothes, etc. and go to the store with my mom && pick out new toys for kids around the holidays whose parent's couldn't afford gifts. I loved doing that and still do. Even if it's my last couple dollars, I always give the homeless people on the street what I can. I am religious && I remember a sermon at church that was talking about how you're supposed to help people, and what they do with the money is on them. You're not supposed to not give someone something because you think they're going to spend it on drugs/alcohol/etc. God knows your heart && knows that you were trying to do something good, and what they do with the money is their choice. I remember this one guy was in front of Dunkin Donuts in downtown Chicago && he asked for change. I gave him $5 and bought him breakfast, and he was so thankful... I still remember how his face lit up and he couldn't stop thanking me. Believe it or not, I've been there && people are horrible to other people and it's a shame more people don't extend a hand && reach out to help people that need it.

23.) I am horrible with names. When I meet someone new && they tell me their name, I'll probably ask them about 2 more times until I actually remember it. It can be super embarrassing.

24.) I love taking naps. I wake up really early with Lexi so it's hard to get through the day without a nap. Laying in my big comfy bed when I'm so tired is the best feeling in the world.

25.) I was in a ton of different sports when I was younger. I did gymnastics for YEARS, a bunch of different dance classes, cheerleading, baseball, bowling, and basketball.

26.) A huge regret that I have is what I put my parents through as a teenager. I know every teenager puts their parents through shit at one time or another, but what I put mine through was amplified by 10x. Between addiction, skipping school, sneaking out, hanging out with losers, etc., I put them through a lot. I do feel a lot better now though that I'm doing 100x better and it makes me feel good when they recognize that.

27.) Just 3 weeks after turning 18 I got married and had Nevaeh less than a year later. (I got pregnant AFTER I got married.) He wasn't a good person && ended up leaving me with a newborn baby BUT things worked out perfectly because if that wouldn't have happened I wouldn't have Lexi (or Tom!).

28.) I love to tan. When I don't lay out, spray tan, or go tanning in a tanning bed, my skin gets SUPER pale. I love having a summery glow all year long. (I'm an adult, I know tanning is "bad" for you which is why I spray tan a lot of the time. I don't want to hear shit about the effects of tanning. I'm well aware.)

29.) Being unique is something I value. I love wearing things that I haven't seen anyone else wear, and I enjoy altering my clothes && adding my own touches here && there. I think I'm going to write a blog soon about what I do to alter my clothing, with ideas/tips/tricks. (How to make your t-shirt an 'off the shoulder' shirt, how to distress your clothes/jeans, sewing on embellishments, etc.)

30.) Experimenting with makeup is one of my hobbies. I love trying new looks on myself and other people. I did my brother's girlfriend's hair/makeup for prom a few years ago && I felt so proud when people were commenting on her hair and makeup. It makes me feel good to make other people feel beautiful. :)

31.) I try not to judge a book by it's cover. I've been pre-judged and I do my best to not do that to other people. I try to give everyone a chance && get to know them before deciding whether or not I like them. I have friends that are all different ages/races/religions/etc. && I never discriminate against anyone. If you're a cool person, we'll get along great.

32.) I am one of the least racist people you will EVER meet. I talked about how my mom made sure I helped people that were less fortunate, but she also taught me to never discriminate against anyone based on how they look or what their beliefs are. I have dated people from all different races, and I have friends that are all different races. I don't look at people as a skin color, I look at them as a whole person && it really pisses me off when I'm around racist people. It's 2012, I can't believe this shit is still going on.

33.) I'm a scrapbooker. I am crazy about taking pictures, and I love looking back on things. Scrapbooking allows me to be creative && make photos more interesting to look back on later. As of right now I'm finishing a scrapbook that I made of mine && Tom's relationship, and my next project is going to be making Nevaeh && Lexi their own scrapbooks.

34.) My favorite vacation spot is Pensacola Beach, FL. My family used to go there every summer, and I can't wait to take my kids there.

35.) Subway is one of my all time favorite food places. I always get the same thing && could eat it every single day && not get tired of it.

I hope you guys found this interesting && learned something about me. All I ask is that people get to know me before judging me && I will do the same. I think I'll do another one of these in a few months. Comment below if you read this, let me know 5 random facts about YOU!! I'd love to get to know my readers.

Lazy Day Outfit ;)

This is an example of how to make a lazy day outfit not so "homely". Adding a belt and cute accessories really dresses up the outfit. I totally forgot to put my shoes on before I took the picture, but I was wearing gold flats that match the silver ones I was wearing in a previous Outfit Of The Day.
My shirt is (obviously) from Victoria's Secret PINK. I got it at the semi-annual sale for $11.99!! What a steal!! :)
I added a cute gold belt and turned it to the side to give it a little edge. (The gold on the belt matches the Pink dog perfectly.) I bought this belt at Forever 21 around Christmas, so I'm not sure if it's still there.
I'm wearing casual, comfy black leggings that I bought for $4.80 at Forever 21.
Here's what the back looks like. My leg is bent which is why the leggings look uneven. lol.
I have a silver ring with clear rhinestones on my ring finger on both hands. (Same rings.) I don't remember where I got these, probably either Forever 21 or Charlotte Russe.

I'm wearing my silver charm bracelet from Guess. I'm completely in love with it!! It has hearts, hearts with a lock, keys, etc. Too cute!! :) I got it for $25.

I have a couple other OOTD's that I have from the past 2 weeks but I need to upload them and sort them out, so look out for some more OOTD's in the near future. Remember to comment if you're reading, I love to hear from you guys!! ♥

Lexi's Birth Story

Warning: Somewhat graphic. If you don’t want to hear about mucous plugs and blood clots, exit out of this now. Read at your own risk!

Alexis Makayla --- 01/16/10;; 7 lbs. 2 oz. 20 in.

About a year after Ryan left Nevaeh and I, Tom came back into my life. We had dated when we were younger, but hadn’t seen eachother in a few years. We bumped into eachother at Walgreens and started hanging out again, and started dating shortly after that. We had only been dating for 4 months when we found out I was pregnant. With this pregnancy I knew I was pregnant immediately. I actually took a test when I was about 4 weeks pregnant, but it came up negative because I wasn’t far enough along yet for it to detect my pregnancy. After taking another test at 7 weeks, a positive result came up. Tom and I weren’t planning on kids for a long time. Once again, I started hysterically crying and called my mom. She talked me through everything and eventually I got excited about the pregnancy. This pregnancy was a lot more difficult than my first. I was 10x more tired, I had horrible morning sickness (I couldn’t get out of bed for a few hours everyday because every time I did, I’d throw up), and I got carsick constantly. (I had never been carsick before this pregnancy.) Heartburn was horrible, and once again I was considered high-risk. Alexis (Lexi) was born on her exact due date.

I woke up at 6 A.M. on 01/16/10, and I noticed very very minor cramping. I had been cramping on and off throughout the last month of my pregnancy, so I didn’t think anything of it. I went out and ran some errands with Tom and Nevaeh. By the time we got home, the cramping was getting worse, and I realized that these were real contractions. My mom was in town and she was really excited. I took a nap for a couple hours until the contractions got too painful to sleep through. When Tom and I woke up from our nap, he told me he was going to stop home for a little bit, and after a death glare from me he decided to stay. I packed my hospital bag and told my dad I was going to the hospital. By this time, contractions were unbearable, and I couldn’t walk, talk, or even breathe through them. My mom took us to Tom’s house to pick up his car, and he decided to fill the tires with air, get gas, and take his precious time with everything. I was so pissed. When we finally got to the hospital, I remember that guy that sings “Pants on the Ground” was on TV in the waiting room. They wheeled me back and I couldn’t even sign the papers but they said I had to so I just scribbled on them and tried to focus through my contractions. When we got up to the labor and delivery floor, no one was there. I just walked into the first empty room I saw, ripped off all of my clothes, and told Tom to go find a nurse. When the nurse walked in the room, she looked confused and I told her no one was there so I picked my own room. She made me pee in a bedpan because she didn’t want me walking to the bathroom. At this point I was screaming through my contractions. The doctor came in and checked me and told me I was 9.5 centimeters dilated. I told her I wanted an epidural, and she told me it was too late. I started screaming and crying because I was in so much pain, and wanted to rip her head off of her shoulders. Tom was sitting next to the bed focusing on my cell phone, and I could tell he was super uncomfortable and scared. I didn't even care what he was doing at that point, I was in so much pain. After about 10 failed attempts at trying to get an IV in me, they called a specialist. I told the doctor I felt like I needed to push, and she told me to wait. I couldn’t help it, my body was pushing by itself. My water broke and splashed all over the doctor and nurse, and it was pretty funny because they deserved it. Bitches. They were SO bitchy toward me. The specialist was still trying to get a vein to put the IV in, but I told him to stop because there was no point, I was already pushing. I remember making these crazy grunting noises, and Tom said I sounded possessed. How sweet of him. Once again I pooped while pushing, but at that point I could care less what I looked like to everyone. I wasn't embarrassed at all. After 2 pushes, the doctor said that the head was out. 1 more push and Lexi’s body was out. We didn’t know the sex, and when they said “it’s a girl”, we both looked at each other shocked because we were convinced I was having a boy. I was shaking uncontrollably, it looked like I was having a seizure. The nurses reassured me that was normal. After weighing Lexi and checking her vitals, they asked if I wanted to hold her. I held her and she grabbed my pinky right away. I asked Tom if he wanted to hold her but he said “not yet” because he was nervous. Tom went downstairs to get my mom, and my mom came up and held Lexi. Nevaeh was with my mom but Tom had to watch her in the lobby because swine flu was going around at the time and they weren’t allowing any kids on the labor and delivery floor. I was taken into the recovery room a little while after that. When everyone left us alone with Lexi for the first time, Tom finally held her. Tom had been around since Nevaeh was a year old, but I had never seen him with a newborn before. Surprisingly he did great...I guess his instincts kicked in and he was so good with her from the first second he held her. She didn't stay in the room with us that night because they needed to monitor her because her breathing wasn't "strong enough" when she fell asleep (everything turned out to be fine but they just wanted to watch her for the first night). I was super emotional because I wanted her in the room with us so Tom crawled into the little ass hospital bed and slept with me. Neither one of us really slept because there was no room and the hospital bed was uncomfortable as hell anyway, but it was a sweet gesture. :)

The recovery time with Lexi was about the same as it was with Nevaeh. The first week or so I was extremely sore but after that I started getting back to normal. My boobs got gigantic again (I went from what I normally am- a 34C, to a 34DD) until the milk stopped filling them up. That was super uncomfortable... any time something even brushed against my boobs I would feel like crying. I would imagine that's close to how it would feel while recovering from a boob job. Tom thought it was hilarious that my boobs got so swollen and he thought that taking pictures would be appropriate. I wasn't amused.

Both of my birthing experiences were at the same hospital but they were SO different. Nothing went 100% as planned either time, but the end result both times was absolutely perfect, and I couldn't ask for anything more. I had a healthy baby both times, and I'm so thankful for that. :)
Beautiful Princess

Nevaeh && Lexi;; Sisters && BFF

Me, Lexi, && Nevaeh -- January 2012

Nevaeh's Birth Story

WARNING: Somewhat graphic, if you don't want to hear about mucous plugs and blood clots, exit out of this now. Read at your own risk.

Nevaeh Izabela --- 10/26/07 8:48 AM;; 6 lbs. 14. oz 20 in.

The back story: Her dad and I had gotten married 12/29/06, and got pregnant pretty quickly after that. I went to the ER because I had a bad virus, and when the nurse came in and told me I was pregnant, I was in complete shock. I busted into tears and when the nurse asked why, I couldn’t even talk. She asked if I was scared and I could just nod my head. After the initial shock wore off though, I was really excited. I had a pretty good pregnancy. I had morning sickness in the first trimester, lots of heartburn and nausea throughout my pregnancy, and I was considered high-risk, but it was definitely an easier pregnancy than my second. I gained 22 lbs. total and delivered 3 weeks early. She was 8 hours away from being considered a "preemie". Her dad was in jail and obviously couldn't attend the birth.

Around midnight on 10/25/07, I felt my first contractions. I was in denial, I thought I was just cramping. I tossed and turned all night and got up around 5 AM because they were getting pretty painful. I ate, took a shower, got ready for the day, and then sometime around 11 AM lost my mucous plug. I didn't know what it was, I was just disgusted and wondering why a giant booger just came out of my vagina. I went on with my day, actually drove myself around running errands and doing whatever, continued to have contractions, and they kept getting worse. Around 7 PM my roommate came home from work and I was sitting on the couch watching TV. He kept looking at me tense up during every contraction, and he kept asking "are you sure you're not in labor? I think you need to go to the hospital." Every time he said that I got really annoyed and told him no, I wasn't in labor. (Clearly I was still in denial.) He left to sleep at his girlfriend's house and told me to call if I needed anything. I called my mom after he left and started crying on the phone with her because of the pain. She told me that Braxton Hicks contractions wouldn't be making me cry, so they were real. She started timing them out and told me I needed to go to the hospital. After I got off the phone with her, Ryan  (my ex-husband) called from jail and I told him I was going to the hospital. He told me that everything would  be fine. (Easy for you to say, I'm doing all the work.) Like a dumbass, I decided to drive myself to my dad's house around 9 PM, and have him drive me to the hospital. During the 20 minute drive to my dad's apartment, I had at least 5 contractions, and every time I would start screaming at the top of my lungs and punching the steering wheel. I remember people staring at me at stop lights but I didn't care how I looked. I was in SO much pain. Climbing the 3 flights of stairs that led to my dad's apartment while contracting felt like climbing Mt. Everest. I pounded on the door. When he answered I told him it was time to go to the hospital. He answered me with "right now?" No Dad, I'll wait til next week. Wtf. He got his keys and we left to the hospital, but of course had to make a quick stop at Baskin Robbins to get a cookie dough shake. (Hey, although I was in excruciating pain, I still wanted my damn milkshake.) After what seemed like forever, we got to the hospital. After checking my vitals/getting my information, they checked me, and I was at 4 CM. They asked if I wanted an epidural and of course I said yes. They actually had to do the epidural twice because during the first attempt I had a contraction, so they had to start over and stick me again. Wonderful. After I got the epidural, I finally slept for the first time in over 24 hours. They kept checking me but I was stuck at 4 CM so they decided to give me some Pitocin to speed everything up. Shortly after that, my water started leaking so they broke it all the way. Around 8 AM I started feeling like I needed to push. They told me I was at 8 CM, and I couldn't push. Do you know how hard it is not to push when your body is doing it by itself?? About 20 minutes later I started screaming for them to get back in the room because I couldn't control it anymore. My dad was in the room with me the whole time, and I remember looking over at him and he looked scared out of his mind. He was holding my hand, and I remember being so thankful for his support. (My mom lives in SC and was on a plane but made it 2 hours after I gave birth.) Because I delivered at a "teaching hospital", there were a ton of people in the room (doctors, nurses, med students, etc.). I only pushed 3 times (after crapping during the 1st push), and then Nevaeh was born at 8:48 AM. Her oxygen levels were low so they took her out of the room right away, and I remember asking "Why is she purple? Is she supposed to be purple?" and they told me she was fine, they just wanted to take her to the NICU to check her out. They checked me, and I didn't tear (yay!). A nurse came in and helped me to the bathroom, made me go pee, and helped me change my hospital gown. Then she wheeled me to the recovery room. I took a nap, and when I woke up my mom was there with my dad. About an hour later, my mom wheeled me to the NICU to see my baby girl. They made us scrub our hands/arms, make sure everything was sanitized, etc. Nevaeh was hooked up to a bunch of monitors, but I didn't care, I was so happy to see her. I got to hold her for the first time, and I couldn't stop staring at her. I was really sad because she looked a lot like her dad and I was heartbroken that he wasn't there to share this with me, but at the same time I was so grateful that my family was there for support. Later that afternoon her dad somehow got a non-collect call and I got to tell him her stats and talk to him for a couple minutes. I couldn't sleep at all that night, it sucked. I remember my friend Nikki calling me at 4 AM and I was so happy to have someone to talk to, because I was so sick of laying in the hospital bed not being able to sleep. They released me from the hospital the next day. It was hard not having Ryan there at the time, but overall it was an amazing experience, one I will never forget.

Recovery was average. I didn’t tear, but the first couple weeks were still painful. Nevaeh was in the hospital for almost 3 weeks after she was born, and Ryan was in jail, so between visiting both of them it was a lot of walking and I probably should’ve rested a little more. I actually left the hospital early to go visit him the day after I gave birth, and I could barely even walk. I wasn't expecting my boobs to balloon up from my normal 34C to a 34DD but they went down within a week. Ouch. The only time I had to call my doctor is when I was concerned about a blood clot that I passed, but it ended up being fine. I was back to normal within a couple weeks. I did wait the full 6 weeks after giving birth to have sex again, and I was so scared that it was going to be excruciating for me, but it wasn’t.

 I still remember it like it just happened yesterday. I was only 18 but I had an instant connection with her and I loved her with all of my heart and soul. I had no idea at the time the struggles I was about to go through, but it was all worth it because I have an amazing, talkative, beautiful blue-eyed little girl, && her and her sister are my world. <3
3 Weeks Old

She never kept her foot in the blanket.

Christmas 2011