Things I'd Tell My 15-Year-Old Self. . .

I've seen the tag "Things I'd Tell My (insert age here) Year Old Self" go around Facebook and the blog world, and it really got popular after a 12 year old girl died unexpectedly and her parents found a letter she wrote to herself to read when she was an adult. You can read the article here. It's very touching and so heartbreaking at the same time. I decided to do this because the things that happened in my life at age 15 really did effect my future in a big way.

The year I was 15 was a monumental year in my life. I lost my virginity to the boy I had been dating for a year. I fell in love for the first time. (I know I was young but now that I'm older, I am confident that it was actual love, not lust.) I found out first-hand what domestic abuse was from the same boy. I was heartbroken because my mom who had recently moved to South Carolina, promised us that she was moving back to Chicago to be with us permanently and after 3 weeks left us...broke our hearts...and proceeded to do the same thing again. I (regrettably) tried a drug for the first time that would change my life forever. I was very self-conscious and trying desperately to find myself. 15 was a huge year in my life and it was full of change, that's why I chose to write to my 15 year old self. It's super personal but I'm very open and honest (sometimes to a fault) and don't mind sharing with you guys.
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Sarah,

This is going to be a crazy year for you. It's going to be full of fun but also full of heartbreak. The first thing I want to tell you is that you are absolutely beautiful the way you are. I would absolutely love nothing more than to have the body that you have now, back. You are not inadequate, you are beautiful in your own way and people would kill to look like you. Hold your head high and have confidence! "ALWAYS remember, you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and more beautiful than you could ever believe."

You need to stop caring so much about what other people think. You are smart, beautiful, and just as good as every other girl at your school. You need to speak up, don't let anyone put you down. Don't live for other people, live for yourself and do what makes YOU happy!

Up until now, you've been very strong && never touched the drug that your friend is about to offer you. KEEP SAYING NO. You don't need to try it, nothing good will come from this. You won't be missing out on anything by not doing it. Losing friends, losing trust, losing freedom, your soul and your self-worth is all that is going to come from trying that evil drug. You will end up in prison, and what started as a social activity will eventually have you crying in a cell all by yourself. It's not worth it. I can honestly tell you that it will absolutely ruin your life and you will lose E V E R Y T H I N G.

The first time Dave puts his hands on you, get out of there! It will only get worse from here. You are worth so much more than that. Every time he apologizes, it's a lie. It will only escalate and each time it happens it will be more serious. Someone that loves you will never abuse you, steal from you, make you feel like you're nothing, cheat on you, or lie to you. Just because you love him, doesn't mean he loves you. Being with him is a waste of your time. The relationship will end in 2 1/2 years when you're finally sick and tired enough and leave him. The bruises will fade, but you'll never forget the emotional abuse that he put you through. His words will slice through your heart forever. Don't just sit there and listen to it. RUN, now, as far as you can as fast as you possibly can.

Something else you need to know is that family will end up letting you down more than anyone. Unfortunately the person that gave you life will make you hate your life at times. You need to realize now that it's not your fault. Her decisions are her decisions, and her being selfish has nothing to do with you. Your family was once as close to "perfect" as you could get. Now it's completely dysfunctional and ripped apart. I know it hurts but you have to let it go. No family is perfect, and you're not alone. Don't keep everything in. You need to talk to someone about this, because harming yourself doesn't make you feel any better. It will just leave ugly scars. You should give your dad more credit and let him know how much you appreciate him. He's doing this all on his own and it's not easy. Although he can go overboard (and does so quite often), he still loves you and is doing the job of two parents while running a business and raising two teenagers. Make sure you tell him that you appreciate the sacrifices he makes on a daily basis for you and your brother. You'll understand better when you have kids of your own. (Which by the way, will be absolutely adorable. ;) ) Although you give him more credit than your mother, he will eventually let you down as well. Enjoy the time you have with him because your time being close with him will be abruptly cut short.

As much as your little brother pisses you off, treat him better. He is the only one that will consistently be there. Eventually he'll be the only family you have. Start a good relationship with him now; don't wait until you're in your 20's. Your mom was right- he really will be your very best friend.

Most of all, enjoy being young. Don't rush so much to grow up. Being an adult isn't as fun as you think it is. It sounds so cliche but it's so true. Enjoy not having a million responsibilities on your shoulders and enjoy being young and FREE! You're only young once...