Chronic Bitch Face?!

Hey girl heyyy!! ;)

So today I was talking to one of my good friends, and she told me that the first time she saw me, she thought I looked like a total bitch. Then she proceeded to tell me that after she got to know me she found that I was one of the sweetest people she's ever met. Thanks for the, uh, compliment?! Haha. This definitely isn't the first time I've been told this. I can't even count how many people have told me that I have a "bitch face". Here are some things you need to know about Chronic Bitch Face.

Chronic Bitch Face- n. "The debilitating disorder in which a woman has a natural 'angry', 'agitated', or sometimes expressionless look on her face while her face is resting, unbeknownst to her, making her look like a complete and utter bitch."

1.) I have a "resting bitch face". My bitch face can strike at any time, but happens mainly when I'm just hanging out, not doing anything. (e.g. sitting in class, watching a movie, listening to someone tell a story, etc.) I'm not doing it on purpose!!

2.) NO, nothing is wrong with me. Just because the look on my face is similar to someone whose cat was just run over, doesn't mean I'm actually pissed. No, I'm not mad. I'm not upset. I'm not particularly constipated. I promise I didn't just murder a family of 4, even though my facial expression may make you question that. You didn't say anything to offend me. (If you did, believe me, you'd know!!) It's just my face.  LOL.

3.) 99.9% of the time I don't notice that I'm making a "bitchy face". If I do notice that my face is looking extra bitchy, I'll make an effort to smile more and attempt to relax my face. When I notice someone staring at me or giving me a dirty look, I smile. Most of the time I'm getting a dirty look from another girl because they think I'm sitting there mean mugging them when really I'm just sitting there. If the girl continues to give me a dirty look even after I smile, then I'll ask her what her problem is, because it's clearly not my bitch face. ;)

4.) If you don't know me, you don't have the right to ask me what's wrong. People need to mind their own damn business as it is, but living with chronic bitch face is like a magnet that attracts nosy people. It's annoying enough when a stranger wants to know what's wrong; (what if something actually happened-- like someone just died or I was fighting with my fiance-- do you really think I would tell you (a stranger) about it?!) but when they repeatedly question me and ask if I'm sure, it gets really annoying. I understand they're partly trying to help (and partly trying to be in my business) but it gets harder and harder to abstain from punching someone in the throat the more it happens. (haha)

5.) Having Chronic Bitch Face is a lot of work. The actual bitchy look comes natural, but the things that come along with having CBF is very tiring. It's not easy to reassure friends, family members, and total strangers that you are OK 20+ times per day. When you have a constant bitchy look on your face, you have to put in an extra effort to look happy, even if you really are happy. It's not particularly fun to have people look absolutely terrified of you when you sit across from them in the doctor's office or at a park while your kids are playing. Interviews and first impressions scare you because you have to remember to make a point to continually smile until your cheeks hurt, otherwise your possible future employer or future ex-husband may think that you steal candy from small children for fun. Speaking of small children, when you are affected by CBF, you have to theatrically smile at children like you're auditioning for a role on Pee Wee's Playhouse, or they might run from you. It's not always fun to have a bitchy face.

6.) Don't judge a book by it's cover-- even if it's a bitchy cover. Clearly you shouldn't judge a person by their physical appearance anyway, but this is especially true for people with CBF. Of course I have my bitchy moments, and can be a total asshole if needed, but normally I am one of the sweetest people you'll ever meet. I have a huge heart, && I love helping people, whether I know them personally or not. I always give everyone a chance && try to give people the benefit of the doubt when first meeting them, and not judge them, even if I've heard something negative about them. If you suspect someone has Chronic Bitch Face, smile at them. If they don't smile back, they're more than likely really a bitch. If they do smile back at you, it's just their face. They can't control it. 

Obviously this post is supposed to be lighthearted and humorous, but everything in it is 100% true. LOL. Do you know anyone with Chronic Bitch Face? Do you have it? Let me know in the comments below!! Thanks for reading. <3

xo, Sarah